When I was a teenager, I worked at a telemarketing company setting up appointments with homeowners for thermal window presentations. We were each given a very small cubical, a phone, a few torn-out pages of the reverse directory phone book, and instructed to call everyone up and down each street until someone said “yes.” One of the very few tools we were provided with was a mirror mounted directly in front of us, so we could see our facial expressions as we spoke with people. Underneath the mirror, there was a small sign that said, “smile and dial,” because people can indeed hear a smile in our voices. Try this with your friends. Speak on the phone with a smile and then without. Have them tell you when you are smiling. Invariably they will guess correctly. Remember, our clients can hear our smiles too!
It’s been said that a smile only has value after you give it away to someone else. That’s not just touchy-feely, tittle-tattle either; there is a plethora of hard, scientific data to back that up with facts.
A 2001 study from Jörn P.W Scharlemann shows that a smile increases trust amongst people by 10%. A 1991 study by Hinsz & Tomhave shows that when you smile, you get reciprocal smiles from 50% of people (pretty good odds!). A 1978 study by Tidd, Kathi L.; Lockard, Joan S., titled the “Monetary significance of the affiliative smile: A case for reciprocal altruism.” showed that service staff earned significantly more than their slack-faced, bovine-like peers. If you’re not sold yet, a 1952 study by Abel & Kruger suggests that smiling people outlived their forlorn friends by an average of 7 years!
The eyes are also powerful communication tools. More than that, our eyes tell people if our smile is genuine or not. A smile that engages only the mouth is forced. A smile that includes the eyes is real. These genuine smiles are called a “Duchenne” smiles, named after a 19th-century neurologist from France who figured all this stuff out. Also, make sure when you smile, that you proudly display your crow’s feet–we all have them! It’ll show the world that you are indeed happy to see them and that you have been smiling for a long, long time!
Let’s begin each day with a big smile, wear it on the way to the bank, and enjoy a longer and happier life.
I receive a lot of emails every day. Many are people are soliciting my business, and I don’t mind this at all. What I do mind is how people craft their message. Without knowing it, many people who write email marking campaigns are irritating the very people they are trying to close.
Here are two tips to NOT piss off your prospects.
1st tip: When expressing why we are reaching out to the recipient, it’s best not to use passive language like:
“I wanted to see if you are interested…”
“I just wanted to check up to see if you had any questions…”
Do not make apologies for reaching out. Don’t preemptively dismiss your proactivity. You have nothing to defend.
Instead of writing an email that says:
“I just wanted to touch base and see if you were interested in…blah, blah, blah…”
Write this instead:
“Your time is valuable, as is mine. If you are interested in learning more about my offer, let me know. If you have no interest, please let me know that too, and I won’t bother you anymore. We are both too busy to spin our wheels. Thank you and much success.”
Stop apologizing for striving for your success. Frankly, it pisses off people who have their act together. I want to know you are busy and I want you to value your time as much as I value mine. Grow a set and talk to me like an adult and not like a scared child. If I don’t respect you, I’m not giving you my business. Don’t apologize for reaching out to me!
2nd tip: Do NOT put “Re:” in the subject line on your first email. If you think your prospect is stupid, then do this. If you treat your prospect like a 12-year-old, they will act accordingly. When I see “Re:…” in the subject line when I know I never emailed this party, I want just to hit ‘delete,’ but I take the extra step of opening the email, unsubscribing and blocking the sender. How dare you put “Re:..” in the subject line when I didn’t email you first.
I want you to succeed, and the best way to do this is not to piss off your prospect.
Thank you for your interest.
The type of people who win at life, never change:
- Those of us who are unafraid of not belonging to a group.
- Those of us who celebrate rugged individualism.
- Those of us who lead and don’t rule.
- Those of us who are keenly aware of sowing and reaping.
- Those of us that set goals.
- Those of us that have contingency plans, yet rarely need them.
- Those of us who would rather be on the giving side of charity than the receiving side and make a point to be.
- Those of us who tithe.
- Those of us who reject the pretense of anyone who hasn’t walked the walk on which we are embarking.
- Those of us willing to share our life-learnings with those who are ready to learn.
There is nothing new under the sun and the rules of winning are constant and evergreen. Don’t reinvent the wheels of success; only refine them and improve upon them. Even as they are, they will serve us well.
For more information about winning at life, please visit me at:
My good friend and coach, Dave LaRue, shared a phenomenon with me that is common to many achievers:
“That worked so I well, I stopped doing it!”
At first blush, the statement seems whimsical or quaint, but it’s exceedingly profound. The lesson is consistency. Don’t let your drive to succeed be modulated like the AC/Heat on a thermostat (on and off and on and off, etc.). If something works, keep doing it and don’t stop doing it. Too many of us close the deal, lose some weight, achieve the goal, get the girl (or guy) and then stop doing the things that made us achieve those things. If we want to keep closing deals, keep the weight off, achieve more goals and keep the girl (or guy), we have to keep doing what got us those things in the first place, or they go away. Jim Rohn reminded us years ago, that if we don’t use something, we lose it. Disuse equals loss; every time. Personal development means growth and in order to grow, we can never go back to what we did in the past if it didn’t serve us. But if it worked, by all means, keep doing it and keep finding new ways to improve upon it!
For more information on Dave LaRue and his philosophy, click here:
For more information on me, click here: http://www.pauledgewater.com
Thanks for reading!
Here’s a great way to get past the ‘gatekeeper’ at any business when paying them a visit in person.
Assume that the very first person you see when you enter the place of business is either the owner, manager or the one in charge. Even if it’s completely obvious to you that this person may ‘just’ be the receptionist, or an employee, never ask this person if you can “see the owner or manager, etc.” We do this for two reasons:
- No matter what they look like, they very well could be the owner, manager, or the one in charge and you’ll be doing a lot of damage to your case for not recognizing that. Even if the person is in overalls and changing a lightbulb, they could be the main contact. If we ask this person something like, “is the owner in?” they will not be happy to have to tell us that they are indeed the owner. Always assume you’re speaking to the key contact and they will appreciate that you made this assumption.
- If you really are just speaking to an employee of the key contact, invariably they will get a ‘kick’ that you thought they were the owner or manager, etc. They will respond with something like “I wish” with a big, broad smile. But in the back of their mind, you have created a bond with this person; you thought they were special and they will like you for it. You have recognized this person’s potential for growth and greater things. If this person is a receptionist or a secretary, they will very likely let their guard down for you when it comes time for follow up visits and the like; they won’t be a gatekeeper anymore; they will be a welcoming committee.
Try this the next time you call on a prospect and you’ll see a marked improvement in how you are received at businesses you visit.
Note: this works on the phone too!! When someone picks up the phone, ask: “You’re the owner, right?” You’ll be pleasantly surprised how well this works!
Polonius made reference that brevity is the soul of wit in Hamlet and it’s still true today. I maintain that we are either born with wit, or not. It’s not a teachable skill, but we can learn to be brief and a great book for learning the art of brevity is, How To Get Your Point Across In 30 Seconds Or Less by Milo Frank. I highly recommend it. It’s vital to understand and appreciate how busy prospects are these days. An example I like using to illustrate the importance of brevity today is with TV advertisements. In television’s infancy, commercials could be as long as two minutes. Viewers were so enamored of their TV sets in those days, that even watching commercials was entertaining. It didn’t matter that they were watching a pitch. What mattered was that they were watching anything at all. The 2 minute spot evolved into 30 to 60-second spots which were the norm for decades. Fast forward to the present day. I recently gave a talk to an entrepreneur class at Columbia College and asked the students for a show of hands: “Who has watched a network television commercial in the last 12 months?” Not one student raised their hand. The advertisements young people are noticing (or ignoring) these days are online and when the ads give the viewer the option of skipping the spot in five seconds, almost all the students exercise this option. Does that open your eyes? It did mine. We have to respect our prospect’s time, and we need to get to the point and get to it fast.
When we are communicating on any level-be it with advertising, or calling someone on the phone-we have to be as brief as humanly possible. A good rule of thumb is to communicate what what needs to be said and not what we want to say.
“Empathetic Selling” ©2014 Paul Edgewater All Rights Reserved
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
noun ( pl. -thies)
1 feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune : they had great sympathy for the flood victims.
• ( one’s sympathies) formal expression of such feelings; condolences : all Tony’s friends joined in sending their sympathies to his widow Jean.
What we are doing here is empathizing with the consumer not sympathizing.
It has been said that if we can see the world from John Q. Public’s eyes, we can sell John Q. Public what John Q. Public buys.
Everyone likes to get an education, but no one likes to be schooled. When we are selling, we are educating our prospects. If and when they have concern or an objection to our proposal (erroneous or otherwise), it behooves us to educate them gently. Dale Carnegie taught us that “A person convinced against their will, is of the same opinion still.” Tom Hopkins teaches a great method to address this; it’s called the ‘Feel-Felt-Found” system.
If someone raises a concern, immediately agree with them and tell them, “I know how you feel.” Incidentally, you can say this with conviction because they indeed shared their concern with you, ergo you know how they feel. This works because it takes the ‘fight’ out of the prospect. The last thing they expect a salesperson to do is not throw a clever rebuttal back at them. It also shows them that you are listening to them and acknowledging their concern as valid. We then follow up with something akin to, “most folks I speak with have felt the same way.” This lets the prospect know that they are not the only ones with this concern. The last part of this equation is to preface your response with, “But what we have found is…” and here you can list all the reasons why your prospect need not be concerned. Take special note of the word “we” in:
“But what we have found is…”
If you say instead:
“But what I have found is…”
…your prospect will still feel as if they are being schooled. Present your facts as if your are both on the journey of discovery together and that you’re not preaching to them from on high.
If you skip the ‘Feel-Felt-Found’ method and go right into your rebuttal, it’s going to feel like a game of ping-pong to your prospect. They will think you have a ‘canned response’ for everything they say and you’ll lose them. The ‘Feel-Felt-Found method gives you an opportunity to really hear them and give them the best solution for their needs and wants, which is what selling really is all about.
©2013 Paul Edgewater All Rights Reserved
I’ve been an entrepreneur and small business owner for the better part of 30 years. Looking back at all of my successes and failures, one common theme has been at play; the marketplace always has the final say. The wants, needs and desires of the business owner are always ancillary. Many entrepreneurs make the mistake of bringing a product or service that they love and believe in to the marketplace, without researching if there is actually a demand for it. Idealism is a risky proposition in business. Rewind to 1993 when I started my first company, Busy Bee Music. It was a recording studio. At the time, I was a performing musician and recording artist. I invested thousands of dollars in microphones and recording equipment, signed a lease on some raw commercial space, invested yet more into building the space out into control rooms, isolation booths, live rooms and so much more before I had my first customer. I mistook my musical passion for marketplace demand. I lost my shirt; and more. Being success driven and an entrepreneur at heart, I didn’t let this learning experience defeat me, but it wasn’t until I met my business partner and built a company based on the demands of the marketplace, that I felt success. Our current company, Busy Bee Promotions provides a service that all businesses desperately need; getting new customers. We are serving the marketplace and our positioning is rock solid; everyone needs and wants what we provide. If you are currently enjoying the success you expected, it is because the marketplace has responded favorably to your unique selling proposition. You produce a product or offer a service that there is a demand for and you’re marketing it correctly. You’re in small company as less than 5% of companies accomplish this and most are out of business within five years. If however, your company is struggling, it’s not too late to turn your ship around. Invest more time studying your marketplace. Did you open a business based on your passions and not market demand? I’m not suggesting that your passions aren’t shared by others, but if your product or service is too niche, you are limiting the growth potential of your company. If you are committed to your vision, one option is to expand your services or product offerings to be attractive to a larger pool of potential customers, or change your marketing approach. Pinpoint and market directly to your ideal customer, instead of trying to win over consumers who will never opt in. As a rule, it’s better business, and much easier, to scratch an existing itch than it is to create the itch. There are a few exceptions to this rule though. Look at Apple. Who on earth can honestly say that they thought the iPad was good idea when it first came out? Did you immediately want to run out and get one? Most people didn’t. However, after millions of marketing dollars spent by Apple, most of us want one; the itch has been created and Apple is scratching it (along with Samsung & Microsoft, et al). It needs to be said though that most of us aren’t worth $623.5 billion like Apple, so we’re better off catering to existing demand. After we’ve enjoyed a level of success where we can safely take some risks, we can incrementally introduce our more passionate ideas to existing customers. Who knows? You may become the next Apple!